Mean People

i've absolutely loved listening to This American Life. The topics are fun, the speakers eloquent, and there's nothing more invigorating than digging into how people think.

Currently i'm thinking through an episode on how mean people have this allure, the kind that draw you in despite the distaste you claim to have for them.

Reminds me of my psychology class. We spent one day discussing rewards and in general rewards that were given unpredictably and sporadically seemed to be more successful in producing the desired behavior. The reason as i understood it was that the subject would work harder to figure out the rhyme and reason behind the reward, even though there may not really be one.

Reminds me of Arrested Development (just like everything these days). Michael is always seeking out his father's approval. Even though Michael is intellectually aware that his father is manipulative and prone to pitting his family against each other, he continues to give his father good ideas, which his father shoots down to keep Michael working for him. It's horrible to watch but makes for good comedy. Try to dissect that last statement!

i have a story of my own. Indefinitely in my past, i nursed an awful crush towards this girl. i was convinced she was the most beautiful person in the world, and still think she's absolutely gorgeous. One problem though, she seems to have no respect for me. In fact, i remember coming home from hanging out with her and feeling absolutely horrible about myself after taking what felt like an insurmountable offense of cutting remarks. Now i'm overly sensitive about these things, but looking back, i'm pretty convinced that i wasnt too far off in my assessment of the situation.

Funny how that works. For another indefinite amount of time i continued in the crush, feeling walked over a good chunk of the time, with just enough laughs to constitute sporadic and unpredictable rewards.

So what is it?

i once heard, i forgot who said it that:

we're running around doing things we hate to please people we dont even like.

What's the draw? What makes us seek this approval?